The Secret Stand Up of Alex Mac

Two months since I’ve updated and it has been two months of creative stagnation the likes of which I’ve never seen. At least on the comedy front. It is a very weird thing to have a huge passion for something and either the lack of time to cultivate it or creativity to really build upon what you’ve already done. But that is not really important. New Year’s I made a resolution that I’ve sort of failed to follow up on because, let’s face it, sleeping feels awesome. Basically, it is to make this year a far more active one in terms of comedy. That means more performances, more writing, and generally just trying to spend as much time as possible building on what I’ve set out to do.

And now is a more important time than ever since opportunity seems to constantly be rearing its head. The biggest news is that my improv troupe at college may or may not be opening for a comedy show headlined by Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter. Not really something that is related to my own stand up but it is something that could be an amazing experience if it happens.

But with constant chances to impress or learn come plenty of chances to mess up and to avoid that, I need to up my creative input as much as possible. In order to ensure this, I have pondered the following measures:

-Hire a personal concubine who gives me a blowjob after I write a full sentence. By now I could have had at least 11 blowjobs and a few half jobs for sentence fragments.

-Place a key to a room inside a safe and lock myself in that room with the safe. Give myself 2 hours to write a small novella or pamphlet. The safe only opens if I have a word count of 20,000 or higher. If I fail, the door locks forever until Danny Glover finds my dead body.

-Clone myself but make sure that the clones have a shortened lifespan. Force them to remain at typewriters all day long and lord the formula that will extend their life over them like some weird Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir. That’ll to the trick sir!

- Visit the evil scheming magician Dr. Facilier and exchange my soul for the ability to extemporaneously come up with material in a way that would make even the best Jazz improviser look like an idiot child.

-Offer Joss Whedon a writing position... in my mind. He’ll need something to do now that Dollhouse is done.  Hopefully he’ll give me Firefly quality and not Titan A.E.

Any of these seems like a viable measure to take. Once implemented, I am sure that they will help move things along nicely. Look forward to more creative output (which may or may not be on the level of Kurt Vonnegut. Let’s just say that it will probably be a little below that level to begin with). Overall, I am looking to make this a big year. Or at least a more active one.